It's been a while since I've blogged and I'm doin it at my friends house b/c I don't have internet at my new house. Everything is goin pretty good right now. My work closed down due to a fire and the insurance company is giving me money for sitting around and doing nothing. I'm really bored during the day but luckily a few of my awsome friends are always willing to hang out on the weeknights. I have a 33 day weekend. See ya. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

Over and over again, people are bombarded with the idea that people who "are in love with themselves" are egotistical and selfish. This is true in some cases but I believe it is mostly coincidental. Someone should love themselves more than anyone else, at least until a certain age. No one should fall deeply in love, or convince themselves that they are in love, until they are completely comfortable with the kind of person they are. Too many people change their lives and change their attitudes to please another without considering their own needs and interests. They end up being lost and confused and cannot find their place in life. I think everyone goes through a time where they start to figure themselves out. It seems I'm going through that right now. I'm just sort of slowly piecing things together, and everything seems to fall in place. It's almost like emotional puberty, to create a metaphor. I don't know why but a few times a day I'll smile and laugh for no reason and the next minute I'll be all depressed and lonely.

Way too many people try to please everyone. I learned within the last year that pleasing everyone is stupid. I used to do things and say things with other people in mind, but now I do things more for myself. People who try to please everyone are very much boring, myself for example even though I have been much more outgoing lately. I know a lot of people from high school liked being around me but I hope there were just a few people who absolutely hated me. That way I know I failed to please everyone.

I like to compare people to food. Everyone gets cravings for a certain dish, but those cravings come sweepingly. The same is true with people. I get anxious to hang out with a certain person one day, but maybe the next day I don't want to see them at all. Some people are pleasing to be around, but have a bitter aftertaste for some reason. One's best friend is like their favorite snack, something that comforts all the time and you never really get tired of. Those risky and troublesome friends are like guilty indulgences, like chocolate or donuts for example, someone you know you probably shouldn't be around, but you hang out with them anyway. As people drift farther apart, they are like those childhood foods: you can't remember the taste, but you know you enjoyed it.

Everyone is told by their parents "You are better than anyone else and don't let anyone tell you differently." But if everyone is better than everyone one else, doesn't that mean that everyone is either undeniably perfect or chronically flawed? Everyone must be equal but one's conscience lifts the pedastal for themselves. I think of myself as a flawed but morally respectable person(in comparison to other people I know). I know I've made some mistakes, but they will only help me to make only good and fair decisions in the future. I know I've done bad things and hurt other people's feelings but lately it seems I've been helping more than hurting. The confidence and love I have for myself eases my mind no matter how much jealousy, anger, heartbreak, or hatred I feel. That is why you must believe that you are better than everyone else.

In conclusion, love yourself more than anyone else. Many people frown upon and regret the things they have done for the people that they have cared for. I've had those thoughts before but never have I regreted the respect and love I have given to my own self. While caring for other and helping those you have affection for is valiant, one must draw the line between selfishness and self respect. Sometimes the most generous and beautiful things we do in life are the things we do for ourselves. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

This entry is merely a sentimental and emotional commentary on prom, graduation, and the end of this point in my life.

First, prom was great. It was everything I had hoped for and much more and I will always cherish that one special night. The atmosphere at the dance and on the boat was exciting and tranquil at the same time. My heart was beating extremely fast one moment and then I would feel completely at ease the next minute. And on top of it all, no one could have had a better companion for this unforgettable night. Thank you Morgan. We had so much fun dancing together, grasping hands, and holding eachother. The time we spent together in the quiet and tranquil atmosphere on the top deck of the boat, just holding on to each other, was great and I was completely lost in that moment. I didn't think about our past or our future or the extremely difficult decision that I had made weeks before. I was simply lost in those moments with you. I didn't ponder what could have been or think about what was until after the night was over. After I dropped her off I started to cry for some reason. I guess it was becuase I began to think about what could have been if we were a year younger or becuase the night was so special. I kept trying to find comfort in the lyrics "Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missing. Many, many men can't see the open road," but these wise words did not comply with how I felt. Whatever the reason was, I cryed for a good five minutes and had to pull the car to the side of the road. When my emotions passed, the sky began to illuminate, I began to drive again, and I finally learned to accept what is, was, and what will never be. I'll always remember you.

The past two years of high school, especially senior year, has been a time of turbulent emotions for myself. Never before had I felt such strong feelings, both joyful and painful. Making new friends and losing old ones, etc. As a result, I am a very much changed person, and a very select group of people mean a lot to me for helping me through these times and guiding my confused mind. I want to thank you all. Brad: Thanks for your advice and councel. Your the best friend I could ask for and your stupid antics cheer me up when I'm feeling down. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Bill: You never admit your wrong, your only response to an insult is violence and you make rediculous claims sometimes like you invented the question mark. But you're awesome and I have so much fun hanging out with you. Badi: Thanks for being a really awesome friend and engaging in intellectual conversation. We both seem to agree on a lot and our mutual insults and ripping-ons are all in good taste. Morgan: You're a very vibrant individual whose personality is unbelievable unique. Thanks for talking to me in class and online(I know you don't want to all the time) and I think of you as a dear friend. Have fun at school next year and I wish the best of luck to the most beautiful girl and one of the best friends a boring guy like myself could hope for.

In retrospect, High School was not my favorite, but I certainly had my share of happy times and the most important lessons I learned were those taught outside the classroom. If I could do it all again, I would in a heartbeat but since I can't my mind is set on the new chapter of my life which is college. I can't wait to go to football games, party all night long, and make new friends. I want to find a great group of friends and I also am excited at the possibility of finding a female companion, whenever that may be. Goodbye to all I have loved, all I have hated, and all I have hurt. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

This summer is gonna kick ass. I can't wait to just chill out during the days and go out and have some fun in the evenings. A good song for partying is "Party till you puke" by Andrew W.K. perhaps the greatest artist of all time! So my advice to all of you it to Party till you puke, because its the last chance. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

I enjoy reading books, but I almost exclusively read non-fiction, mostly scientific books(Cosmos, Genome, etc...). In regard to fictional novels, I think most are crap. I honestly don't care about a made up story with untrue characters doing things that never happened. People tell me, "you're supposed to derive lessons about life from fictional stories." I think that is mostly bullshit. The time someone spends in a chair or lying down reading a story is time wasted from going out and experiencing things that will teach you infinitely more valuable lessons about life. For example I would rather learn about heartbreak by leaving my house and actually experiencing it than reading "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens(One of the worst bookes ever written!) I know a few people who are obsessed with reading books and for the most part, they are boring as hell. They never talk, and I mean never, unless you're talking about the book their reading, and they basically have no life. My advice is to expand your mind with non-fiction for a few minutes a day and then go out an learn whatever lessons about life by living, not by reading some stupid story. That aside, the only fictional story which I have found great pleasure in reading, multiple times, and I think is an important read is "Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger. The sytle of writing is somewhat obnoxious, but after reading it a few times the unorganized ramble that is the entire book makes sense with Salinger's messege and Holden Caulfield's attitude that "most people suck"(which I can relate to somewhat). For me its less of a story and more of an interesting insight into a troubled mind. Caulfields life starts to unravel for no good reason, and his behaviors and little commentaries are interesting relevant to his situation. The first time I read the book I hated it, but the second time I read it in one sitting. So the moral of the story is, read "Catcher in the Rye" and maybe a few others, the go out and have some fun. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

I had a little free time tonight so I researched the connection between J.R.R. Tolkien's(Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, etc) and Led Zeppelin's music and lyrics. There are many allusions to his stories in their songs including "Ramble On," "Misty Mountain Hop," and "Over the Hills and Far Away"(My favorite song of all time). I found it particularly interesting. For those of you familiar with Tolkien and Zeppelin, Bilbo refers to his journey in "The Hobbit" as going "Over the Hills and Far Away" and many people believe that one of the inspirations to the general lyrics of the song is the continuing love story between Aragorn and Arwen in "Lord of the Rings." Anyway, It's just one theory about the song, however, the lyrics are very general and somewhat simple. I was very interested because I had always wondered about the origins of the title of "Over the Hills and Far Away." Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

So I officially found out today that I am the only person from my school who will be going to Michigan next year. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, I don't know. Anyway, I am really getting excited about meeting new people and making a new group of friends but I kind of realized today that there are some people(people who I am fond of) that I will probably never see again after a week from today. Now that I look back on my four years of high school I find myself saying exactly what every upperclassmen said in my previous three years. I wish I had done more. I wish I had participated more. I wish I had made more friends. I wish I hadn't been so shy. And I wish I could have done my best with the time I had and the opportunities I had with other people. Oh well, I'll try it again I guess.

So as most of you know, I like music a lot. I've been putting together a compilation cd of good 80s pop songs(it's hard to find a lot). Anyway, in my search I found a really good 80s band called New Order. For those of you unfamiliar with New Order, they did the original version of 'Blue Monday' (Covered by Orgy). They basically started Techno and all their songs have an electronic drum beat and I'm pretty sure there are no traditional instruments in their music. Usually this would suck ass, but the techno beat is not overwhelming and they actually sing in the songs, which are very good songs in addition. All their stuff is pretty good(I think so) but I suggest listening to 'Bizzare Love Triangle' and 'True Faith.' Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

I'm gettin pretty excited about prom and the end of the year. Right now the biggest thing for me is college, its like that is all I'm concentration on and finishing school and turning in final projects are just these minute things on my list. Except Prom. I'm not the type to be sentimental about leaving high school, I have wanted to leave since the first day of freshman year, but I think Prom will be a good way to kind of sever my ties with people(I know it sounds kind of mean). There are a handful of people who I will keep in contact with from Prospect, but to tell you the truth, I can care less if I never see 90 percent of the people in my senior class ever again. I want to meet some new people and keep a few friends from high school, then do the same with whatever I do after college. That's the best way for me. I'll try to stay friends with some people, but If they don't try the same in return, I guess they're SOL. Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

I hate when rich, white suburbanite kids whine about how 'shitty' their lives are(all that goth crap, ya know) so it pains me somewhat to write about this. So we are in the process of selling our house, and my dad has either thrown away or put into personal strage about 70 percent of the things we had in our current house. Everytime I look for something I need, simple things like a pack of batteries that I had in my room or CD-Rs for my computer for example, it turns out he put it into personal storage and I have to go out and buy these things again. So as you can imagine, that combined with the fact that all they talk about is selling the house, is pissing me off. The worst is how they think I am just a little sad and angry were moving. Honestly, I don't give a shit if this house burns down! I'm not going to be living around here 4 months from now anyway.

This day started pretty awesome. We had the great America field trip with physics today and I didn't have to do any school work and I did every roller coaster, some two or three times. I had an awesome time with all my friends and was fullfilled when we left. The thing that made me happiest was that for once I was the outgoing, extroverted person in the group. I have been acting a little more spontaneous in the last month. I have always been pretty much like a rock around other people, not talking about anything or saying much at all, but I realized as a result of past relationships with people that being that way is not the way to go about things and, also, it isn't any fun. So I felt good about a change in my personality.

Then I got home and had to work on this stupid research paper, half of which is complete BS, and I needed colored pencils for this spanish project I have due later in the week. And guess what?! They're in personal storage! So then I had to go out to CVS and buy some.

I've been making some new friends over the past couple months and I've changed the group of people I hang out with. I really like hanging out with the people I do hang out with now but it seems some of my other friends, the ones I used to be much closer to, just don't take the time to do anything or don't care as much about me. Oh well, what can ya do?

Anyway, what this boils down to is that I want to leave! I want ot go to college! I'm looking forward to not changing the person I am, but changing the way I act around people so they can get to know the person I am more easily. Now I've done a pretty good job of being a straight edge kind of kid. I've never done any drugs, never smoked cigarrettes, and I've never gotten drunk outside of family events(weddings and so). But honestly I can't wait to get shitfaced fuckin drunk in college(just a few times). Maybe that's just what I think right now, but right now I'm kinda on edge.

So maybe I'm feeling, in a sense, somewhat of what those ass-clown goth kids argue their entire lives are like. But once again music gives me comfort: As Robert Plant once sang:

These are the seasons of emotion and like the wind they rise and fall.

This is the wonder of devotion. I see the torch we all must hold.

This is the mystery of the quotent. Upon us all a little rain must fall...just a little rain.

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.