What can I say but this week has been interesting. Filled with so many crazy emotional highs and lows, confusion and confidence, loveliness and loneliness. After old feelings were reignited I was excited about possibly starting a relationship with someone I've known and cherished for quite a while now. Anyway, I don't believe that our feelings or our decisions should be shared with everyone so I'll just say that once again I respect her feelings and her needs more than I want to chase my emotions and desires. It feels slightly familiar to about 6 months ago this time...kinda weird, eh? Anyway, the possibilites of starting something that previously only existed in my dreams was very exciting and I think I got too caught up in the emotions and thoughts to clear my mind and adjust to school here in Ann Arbor.

On that note, I'm not sure if the big school is for me. I've always had certain academic expectations for myself and they don't seem to be fulfilled up to this point. I'm also a bit upset about being one out of 250-300 people in my lecture classes. I hope I will feel better by mid-semester, but if I don't, I'm worried about how I'm gonna tell my parents. I also miss Chicago a lot. And by Chicago I don't mean the suburbs, I miss the big city and all that comes with it. Coming off the train at Union Station and walking out onto canal street this weekend put the biggest smile on my face and I wish sometimes that I went to school closer to the city, like my brother.

Also, seeing ignorant and stupid people do whatever they want and getting whatever they want without trying is makes me feel bad, it always has. I've worked hard my entire life, and I've had a great life, but it seems that undeserving people get things handed to them. I have confidence that in the end my hard work will pay off and I will be fulfilled. But that brings up the idea of fate...and I don't believe in fate. I don't think that people have their lives planned out, what would be the point of living then. People make decisions everyday that affect tommorrow and the rest of their lives. Fate just seems stupid to me and I hate thinking that I don't have control over my own life.

Anyway, my friends have told me to follow my heart lately and I'm trying my best to feel comfortable and ward off the lonliness I feel sometimes. Hopefully things will get better and time will cure my confused mind. I need to spend more times with my buddies here in Ann Arbor and make some more friends. After all, a smile relieves a heart that grieves.

"We all end in the ocean, we all start in the stream. We're all carried along by a river of dreams." -Billy Joel